Sixth in the Kissing Kathryn drabble series.

"Why did you think you had to leave?" I asked the question frightened to know the response yet also desperately compelled. Was Seven so repelled by my recent behavior that she couldn’t stand to remain on the same vessel? Was her attraction for me so tenuous as to be so easily extinguished? If such were the case I could easily long to follow her example and flee to some place I didn’t have to see my angel each time I looked around. To be forced to interact professionally while maintaining personal distance would tear my heart to pieces. Of course I could never leave Voyager. As her captain I don’t have that luxury. But as a normal emotional human I couldn’t prevent the thought from crossing my mind. I held my breath awaiting her response. I was prepared to grovel if necessary though such behavior is not in my nature and I wasn’t sure I could pull it off convincingly.

At first she didn’t answer. Seven stood quietly with her hands folded behind her back in her traditional stance. Usually she stared at me with quiet accusing eyes, but this time she stared out the window of my ready room and into the quiet blackness of space. My heart thundered silently as I waited, but it was a silence I could breach no farther. Any more would have to come from her. Until she spoke I wouldn’t know what damage control was required so I held my breath and waited.

"You did not want me here."

The words were so soft I could almost believe I imagined them and it took a moment to realize the full import of what she said. I did not want her here? She had inferred from my horrendous behavior that I was finished with her?

Nothing could have been farther from the truth and I was stunned at the results of my actions. Sure, I’d been embarrassed to be caught in a compromising position by two of my crew. The captain couldn’t be seen to have a weakness of any kind and being caught kissing my Astrometrics officer could definitely be seen as a weakness! That embarrassment had driven my behavior and led to Seven leaving the ship in the belief that I no longer wanted to be with her. But really, how did I think she would react? I overreacted by holing up in my quarters or my ready room. I stopped communicating with her and wouldn’t even respond to her inquiries. She was so young and inexperienced that she had taken all the blame upon her slender shoulders rather than putting it where it really belonged; square at my feet.

I moved to stand behind her. She still hadn’t turned from the transparent aluminum, but I knew she could feel my body heat from the close proximity. Slowly I raised my hands until I felt her shoulders tense beneath my palms. There was a slight trembling in her slender frame and I felt fresh pain flash through me. I had caused this because of my fear; fear of being perceived as weak, fear of giving my heart to another. Being a Starship captain for so long had blinded me to a truth that I knew two decades ago. Loving someone can bring great strength.

I wanted to embrace that strength now. I wanted to bask in her love and let the whole crew know how I felt. How could I think they would see me as weak when all of us are looking for our soul mates? Though I am captain I am no different.

Taking my newfound courage in my hands and a deep breath into my lungs I began to speak. "I never stopped wanting you. I have never wanted you more."

She turned to face me then with a mighty frown between her frost blue eyes and I dropped my hands to my side. "Why then?" she asked in a tremulous voice.

"Because I was embarrassed. When Chakotay and Harry walked in I was mortified that I hadn’t set a privacy seal on the holodeck."

"You were ashamed to be seen kissing me?"

The raw hurt in her voice made me feel about two centimeters tall, but she deserved the truth no matter how bad it made me look. "I was ashamed to be caught kissing anyone. I’m the captain and I had this ridiculous idea that it would make me look weak to need anyone. I was wrong and I’m sorry."

"Are you also sorry that you ignored all of my attempts to contact you?"

There was fire in her voice now and I realized she wasn’t quite ready to forgive me. "Yes. I’m sorry for that too. When I realized you’d gone I saw how silly I was being. You mean more to me than anything, Seven. I’ll do anything you ask, even give up being captain, if you’ll tell me you forgive me."

My words were sincere and I felt tears threaten though I refused to let them fall. Seven reached up to cup my cheek and brushed her thumb under my eye, staring with wonder at the moisture glistening there.

"Being captain is part of who you are. I would never ask you to relinquish that."

Relief flooded me, not just because I liked  being captain but also because I now sensed that forgiveness was close to being granted. I closed my eyes and leaned into the warmth of her hand. For long, wonderful moments there was only the intimacy of her touch and I thought I would never want to leave that space. I changed my mind seconds later when her breath ghosted across my face. I opened my eyes to find her looming closer, her lips already parted in the promise of a kiss. Thoughts of propriety left me. The fact that we were in the ready room ceased to matter. All I could think of was that my love was here and her kiss was all I wanted.

"Seven!" I gasped just before her lips closed over mine.

My hands were in her hair, loosening the pins and dropping them to roll away unheeded on the deck. I pulled her to me ferociously and felt her lip split under the assault of my kiss. She growled and wrapped her arms around me, answering with passionate need as she spun around to slam me against the windows. Our mouths continued to plunder and I could only moan as her hands roamed my body, slid under my tunic and then cupped my ass firmly in her enhanced grasp. She picked me up with little effort until my legs wrapped around her midsection.

Her Borg hand cupped me from behind and kept me lifted, wedged between her and the window. Her other hand slid back around to the front of my trousers and there was no question of her intent. The snap and zipper parted easily. Her long fingers dipped beneath the hem and then she was there, caressing wet, warm, swollen flesh. For so long I had fantasized about her, longed for her and to have her suddenly touching me was more than my overheated body could stand. I slammed my head back against the transparent aluminum and didn’t even feel the impact of the blow as I panted under her touch. There was nothing gentle about it and in that moment I didn’t want there to be. All I wanted was Seven, now!

"Go inside me!"

Her response was immediate. Two long fingers entered harshly, rasping against clinging walls and striking all the right places simultaneously. There was no need to build to a crescendo; I was already there. I threw my head back and howled my pleasure, uncaring and unthinking who might hear.

When it was over I clung to her and we kissed tenderly. I laved her split lip gently with my tongue though her nanoprobes were already starting to heal the small hurt. Tears coursed down her cheeks and I hugged her to me knowing they were tears of happiness that a stubborn captain had finally seen what was important. Love.

I would never go back to being who I had been. That Kathryn Janeway had been cold and hollow, never knowing real joy or how it felt to be needed other than as a captain by a crew. The person I had become loved completely and needed openly. I was proud of my darling, proud that she could love me in spite of my faults and proud to be the woman she loved. If my crew didn’t like it there was always a nice, uninhabited, M-class planet somewhere on which they could spend the rest of their days.

"Seven," I whispered softly into her ear. "I love you. Never leave me again."

"I will not Kathryn. I will never leave you. I love you."

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